I am Indian.
I am a hyphenated American too.
I love the country of my birth deeply. But as one grows older and has closer association with more than one country, questions about love, acceptance and cultural affiliation become more complex. What is it to love one's own country? What does it mean to be Indian?
More specifically, what does it mean to be Indian for me? Does it mean that I can't be Indian and American, both at the same time? Is there a conflict of interest?
I was about to write how different authors have addressed this topic lately. Then I deleted it. This is about what it means to be Indian for me.
I love India and Indians. I love the fact that since independence, the country has remained a democracy. I love the fact that we debate incessantly all the issues and in spite of the clear Hindu majority, Hindu right wing nationalism is not a dominant force. I love the size and complexity and the racial diversity of its population. I admire its long history that goes back to such a long time. I am amazed by India's resilience to fight against interminable odds. For me Indianness is something deep and real, almost like a religion, but it is also personal. In as much as Vande Mataram moves me to tears, you will not find me waving the Indian flag in public.
I am an Indian.
Does it mean that I don't and cannot have issues with India? Hardly. I hate the fact that India has debilitating poverty and no sense of public cleanliness. As Indians, I hate that we are OK with that. Our solutions, political and economic, are designed rather to put paint over a structural problem.
Does that make me less Indian?
But there is something I do that irritate some people. I refuse to discuss India with non-Indians. I don't like to do this because I don't want to trivialize Indian issues to soundbites. I don't want to validate their general feelings towards the country, be is positive or otherwise. I am not a cultural ambassador to India.
And no, I don't know Dr. Murthy, your dentist. Or Ravi, the cab driver who took you to your hotel. And no, I am not going to tell you what I think of outsourcing. Or Bollywood movies. And yes, if I want to feel like I am "different" from "other Indians", then it is my right to do so. and for your information, we are a billion strong and regardless of what Mr. Patel told you, we are all unique and different.
And no, we don't all treat "low-caste Indians" badly.
Some of us care about Indian development seriously. Some of us feel terrible about the inequity of the situation in India, whether it is caste related or purely economical.
And, yes, it is dirty. So don't go there if you can't deal with it. Good you had a lot of fun with elephants in Jaipur. And we all agree, Aishwarya Rai is beautiful.
So leave me alone.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Blast From The Past
Just found out that someone from my past just resigned from Department of Justice under Bush over a scandal.
It is very small world. I didn't even know he was on the post. He was a pompous man even then. He was pompous enough to build a magnificent tomb for himself in the city cemetery on an elevation.
It made me think of that city. And of calmer times. He bid his time for greater glory during the Clinton years.
And it all ended today.
It is very small world. I didn't even know he was on the post. He was a pompous man even then. He was pompous enough to build a magnificent tomb for himself in the city cemetery on an elevation.
It made me think of that city. And of calmer times. He bid his time for greater glory during the Clinton years.
And it all ended today.
Ode To Last Fall
I cry a poem for the last fall
when
a bottle of date jam was opened
a can of toothepaste was gifted
a lump of weed was thrown out by mistake
a midnight was lost in the reflection of the moon
almost
when
a sigh was lost in the veins
a memory was washed out with soap
a journey was interrupted
a poem was written and corrected
crying a poem over a poem
written and forgotten
almost
standing by the road that went nowhere
without a head, thinking thoughts
playing cards with a deck incomplete
writing the editorial on inconsequentials
the fall came and departed
almost
when
a bottle of date jam was opened
a can of toothepaste was gifted
a lump of weed was thrown out by mistake
a midnight was lost in the reflection of the moon
almost
when
a sigh was lost in the veins
a memory was washed out with soap
a journey was interrupted
a poem was written and corrected
crying a poem over a poem
written and forgotten
almost
standing by the road that went nowhere
without a head, thinking thoughts
playing cards with a deck incomplete
writing the editorial on inconsequentials
the fall came and departed
almost
Street Fight
1.
I watch them intently, fascinated. The short one has stains of spittle on his collar as he spews about obscenities. The taller one scoffs at him blaring yellowing teeth. Then the first punch lands and the heavy gold chain jiggles and moves back as his head falls back almost in slow motion. The taller one takes a step in anticipation of the counter punch. The shorter one stands straight, his eye suddenly swollen but his gelled hair still nicel in place. He is unsteady in his footwork but has not lost his swagger. He smirks and lunges forward with his fist outstretched. Te taller one moves back, grabs his fist and spins him to the ground.
I stand there motionless having made no attempt to stop them.
2.
I walk by the Foyer after I park.The door remains closed. I am illegally parked with two of the side wheels of the car on the side walk. People are gathering on the sidewalk at the La Terrazze to get a drink. On a bench a lonely young African boy sits drinking alone. Ahead of him is the sunset. But the lights have not become bright at Cologny to be seen yet.
I watch them intently, fascinated. The short one has stains of spittle on his collar as he spews about obscenities. The taller one scoffs at him blaring yellowing teeth. Then the first punch lands and the heavy gold chain jiggles and moves back as his head falls back almost in slow motion. The taller one takes a step in anticipation of the counter punch. The shorter one stands straight, his eye suddenly swollen but his gelled hair still nicel in place. He is unsteady in his footwork but has not lost his swagger. He smirks and lunges forward with his fist outstretched. Te taller one moves back, grabs his fist and spins him to the ground.
I stand there motionless having made no attempt to stop them.
2.
I walk by the Foyer after I park.The door remains closed. I am illegally parked with two of the side wheels of the car on the side walk. People are gathering on the sidewalk at the La Terrazze to get a drink. On a bench a lonely young African boy sits drinking alone. Ahead of him is the sunset. But the lights have not become bright at Cologny to be seen yet.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Mountain View
(No, not the town in South Bay....)
It is a beautiful room under the rolling hills of a mountain chain. The room opens up to a vast rolling meadow and there is nothing between the veranda and the mountains. There is a man-made lake for water skiing and a beautiful golf couse that snakes around the hotel. The restaurant is just delectable, offering perfect nouvelle cousine. The wine list is extensive and the bar is open.
It is a beautiful day, neither too hot nor cold. The sky is blue and far away you can see sporadic traffic.
The bed is comfortable and bathroom is really nice. I am not that easily impressed with hotel rooms. But this is really good.
Yet, as I sit here staring at nothingness, i wonder why is it that they put me in places like this then fill the day with such a tight agenda that I don't have a moment to myself to enjoy the place.
I wish I had the time to pick up the phone and call people.
May be it is better to be in urban hotels to do this sort of stuff. At least you don't miss anything.
oh well.
It is a beautiful room under the rolling hills of a mountain chain. The room opens up to a vast rolling meadow and there is nothing between the veranda and the mountains. There is a man-made lake for water skiing and a beautiful golf couse that snakes around the hotel. The restaurant is just delectable, offering perfect nouvelle cousine. The wine list is extensive and the bar is open.
It is a beautiful day, neither too hot nor cold. The sky is blue and far away you can see sporadic traffic.
The bed is comfortable and bathroom is really nice. I am not that easily impressed with hotel rooms. But this is really good.
Yet, as I sit here staring at nothingness, i wonder why is it that they put me in places like this then fill the day with such a tight agenda that I don't have a moment to myself to enjoy the place.
I wish I had the time to pick up the phone and call people.
May be it is better to be in urban hotels to do this sort of stuff. At least you don't miss anything.
oh well.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Love Bites Bullet: Discovering Coco Part 2
She didn’t know what drove her to take him to her apartment after a long evening of abortive and unskilled flirting. This was unlike her and she felt that she had no choice in the matter. She didn’t know anything about him except his name, which sounded very funny for the way he looked. He had no idea what was happening either. He lingered in the club transfixed in her movements and let the magic in her control his movements. So when she finally asked him to walk her to her place, he could not even think of saying no.
Sometimes love just happens. It happens without reason or purpose. It happens despite all the best efforts. It happens even when it should not. He entered her car in silence. She apologized for the mess in the car and for the half-eaten banana on the passenger seat. They drove in silence with neither saying a word. The streetlights that had just become brighter in the evening mediated in the matter silently. A wave of intensity rose and fell between them and rippled out into the world. As she parked her car in front of her house, he leaned over and kissed her for the first time; on the lips but without tongue. She did not kiss him back. She felt his kiss and stayed stiff without reacting.
Her apartment was rather tiny, almost like a cell. It was painted in light green color. She lived alone in the basement of a rooming house owned by an immigrant Iraqi couple who after retiring made most of their income from their properties. She got a good deal when she showed up one evening desperate for a place and with no intention to spend a lot of money. They showed her the room and as an incentive offered to furnish it with a bed and mattress. She furnished the rest with IKEA furniture and bright colored curtains. There was a lava lamp in the corner that provided nighttime theatre to the otherwise drab ambience.
On the bed, with the lights turned off except for the psychedelic dots of flicker for the lava lamp and the radio playing softly, they touched each other for the first time, seriously and with determination, her forearm pressing against his crotch; his hand – shaking and unsteady- roaming freely across the faint moist curvature of her thigh without the watchful eyes of the bouncer. Like two lost souls in love for the first time, drinking thirstily from an endless cup they moved unashamedly into the final frontier and discovered each other. They were not skilled at it either, she having lost her confidence in a feeling that brought on a loss of control and he nervous and lost in the moment. He lost and found his hardness and she missed and regained her rhythm. They made love like two school children fooling around behind the schoolyard for the first time.
When they were done, all their nervousness had gone, wiped clear by the tender words and soft touch. Only a gentle feeling of well being remained.
Then he felt the urge. His stomach started to turn. First he thought it was his body feeling sick for the sin he had just committed. Then, despite the fighting of the mind over matter, the matter grew strong and he ran to the toilet with the urgency he had never felt before. When he came out of the toilet, after a long while, he no longer was in love. He kept going in and out most of the night and after the fourth time when the tenderness was replaced by certain revulsion, Coco also fell out of love.
They were then a curious pair; ex-lovers bound to each other by a hidden connection of the man in need of a toilet and woman who was the owner of the toilet. The fact that they had just made love made it difficult for her to throw him out right away. She covered herself and hoped he would leave soon.
At some point in the night, weak and muttering, Bullet suggested that she call a cab for him. Without protesting, she did.
The next day, Bullet was admitted to the hospital with a terrible case of amoebic dysentery. It was quite ironic, as everyone from the Embassy remarked when they came to visit him at the hospital, that a man from India would catch a tropical disease in America.
Finally when he was well enough to leave America for India, with his dream of visiting New York unfulfilled, he sat on his chair and contemplated the emptiness of life; his failing career, his unloved wife, his pointless trip to America and his one true love that lasted for only an afternoon.
Then he wrote Coco a letter.
My dearest Coco, it read, I don’t know why I write this. There is no point in writing a letter of love to a former lover whom I have only known but for a fleeting moment. But what I felt in that moment was true love. My illness and departure from your place tore my heart not because it ended so soon, but because it happened once. I can never be the same person again, having experienced it once. I am in turmoil. I shall return to India and remember you. It is pointless to expect that we will ever meet again or that if we met, we would ever feel for each other the way we did that evening. But for that evening, I thank you. For the illness and the subsequent silliness and all the inconvenience it caused, I apologize. Yours, Bullet.
Then in the taxi to the airport, sitting in the backseat, Bullet carefully tore the letter into a thousand pieces and let them all fly away into the night sky of Washington DC.
On her way to work, Coco saw a small piece of white paper fly though the air and land on her windshield. It stuck there confidently like it was fixed there with glue. When she parked the car, she pulled out the paper and read it. It was an advertisement for a mattress. It simply said, “Comfort. For one night or forever.”
Then she began to cry.
Sometimes love just happens. It happens without reason or purpose. It happens despite all the best efforts. It happens even when it should not. He entered her car in silence. She apologized for the mess in the car and for the half-eaten banana on the passenger seat. They drove in silence with neither saying a word. The streetlights that had just become brighter in the evening mediated in the matter silently. A wave of intensity rose and fell between them and rippled out into the world. As she parked her car in front of her house, he leaned over and kissed her for the first time; on the lips but without tongue. She did not kiss him back. She felt his kiss and stayed stiff without reacting.
Her apartment was rather tiny, almost like a cell. It was painted in light green color. She lived alone in the basement of a rooming house owned by an immigrant Iraqi couple who after retiring made most of their income from their properties. She got a good deal when she showed up one evening desperate for a place and with no intention to spend a lot of money. They showed her the room and as an incentive offered to furnish it with a bed and mattress. She furnished the rest with IKEA furniture and bright colored curtains. There was a lava lamp in the corner that provided nighttime theatre to the otherwise drab ambience.
On the bed, with the lights turned off except for the psychedelic dots of flicker for the lava lamp and the radio playing softly, they touched each other for the first time, seriously and with determination, her forearm pressing against his crotch; his hand – shaking and unsteady- roaming freely across the faint moist curvature of her thigh without the watchful eyes of the bouncer. Like two lost souls in love for the first time, drinking thirstily from an endless cup they moved unashamedly into the final frontier and discovered each other. They were not skilled at it either, she having lost her confidence in a feeling that brought on a loss of control and he nervous and lost in the moment. He lost and found his hardness and she missed and regained her rhythm. They made love like two school children fooling around behind the schoolyard for the first time.
When they were done, all their nervousness had gone, wiped clear by the tender words and soft touch. Only a gentle feeling of well being remained.
Then he felt the urge. His stomach started to turn. First he thought it was his body feeling sick for the sin he had just committed. Then, despite the fighting of the mind over matter, the matter grew strong and he ran to the toilet with the urgency he had never felt before. When he came out of the toilet, after a long while, he no longer was in love. He kept going in and out most of the night and after the fourth time when the tenderness was replaced by certain revulsion, Coco also fell out of love.
They were then a curious pair; ex-lovers bound to each other by a hidden connection of the man in need of a toilet and woman who was the owner of the toilet. The fact that they had just made love made it difficult for her to throw him out right away. She covered herself and hoped he would leave soon.
At some point in the night, weak and muttering, Bullet suggested that she call a cab for him. Without protesting, she did.
The next day, Bullet was admitted to the hospital with a terrible case of amoebic dysentery. It was quite ironic, as everyone from the Embassy remarked when they came to visit him at the hospital, that a man from India would catch a tropical disease in America.
Finally when he was well enough to leave America for India, with his dream of visiting New York unfulfilled, he sat on his chair and contemplated the emptiness of life; his failing career, his unloved wife, his pointless trip to America and his one true love that lasted for only an afternoon.
Then he wrote Coco a letter.
My dearest Coco, it read, I don’t know why I write this. There is no point in writing a letter of love to a former lover whom I have only known but for a fleeting moment. But what I felt in that moment was true love. My illness and departure from your place tore my heart not because it ended so soon, but because it happened once. I can never be the same person again, having experienced it once. I am in turmoil. I shall return to India and remember you. It is pointless to expect that we will ever meet again or that if we met, we would ever feel for each other the way we did that evening. But for that evening, I thank you. For the illness and the subsequent silliness and all the inconvenience it caused, I apologize. Yours, Bullet.
Then in the taxi to the airport, sitting in the backseat, Bullet carefully tore the letter into a thousand pieces and let them all fly away into the night sky of Washington DC.
On her way to work, Coco saw a small piece of white paper fly though the air and land on her windshield. It stuck there confidently like it was fixed there with glue. When she parked the car, she pulled out the paper and read it. It was an advertisement for a mattress. It simply said, “Comfort. For one night or forever.”
Then she began to cry.
Love Bites Bullet: Discovering Coco Part 1
Bullet Balasubrahmaniam heaved a sigh of relief as the plane touched down at Washington DC. They cannot take this away from me now, he said to himself. This was Bullet’s first foreign trip, a junket that he managed by deftly manipulating his connections in the UN and his influence with the ministry. He always wanted to visit the US, particularly on Indian government dime. “Keen to go to the States,” as he put it. The momentous occasion was a conference on Population Control hosted by a UN agency in Washington DC.
These have been lean months for Bullet with him falling out of favor with the Minister and getting moved to a backwater function as the Undersecretary of Population Management. Most of the day, he sat in his backroom office playing with paperweights of various shapes and colors until the idea to set up a foreign junket popped into his head. There was no stopping him from accomplishing his true mission, population problems of India be damned.
After much maneuverings around the red-ribbon weighted halls of officialdom and one or two close calls that almost smelled like responsible governance, Bullet finally made it to the plane bound for London and then on to Washington DC. He barely paid any attention to the topic of the conference, spending much more of his time making lists of things he wanted to see. Is it possible to visit New York City from Washington DC over the weekend, he asked his fellow travelers? Is the white house open to visitors? Can I get away with wearing a safari suit at this time of the year? He kept the last question however to himself. Bullet was going to see America the way she deserved to be seen.
The meeting was typical of such pointless conferences he had seen organized in Vigyan Bhavan before. Self-important suits with dark glasses sat behind massive nameplates announcing their eminence and mouthed unintelligible nothings that went on for hours without accomplishing much. There was a dinner, where old cliques renewed their circular closeness while new members circles the periphery looking for an opening to get in. Bullet was neither in nor out. He walked from on circle to another spotting an occasional Stephenite who weaseled a plum posting outside and thus managed to get his hand shaken by a few. He felt hot under his new synthetic suit and the tightly knotted tie. He was already bored.
He regretted his decision to come to America. This was not what he had signed up for when he ran from pillar to post trying to get his trip approved. There was nothing there for an inquisitive creature like him. Nothing at all.
So, on the second day of the meeting when he decided to skip the afternoon session and walk around town, he did so without guilt. He had seen an establishment curiously titled “The Frog pond” on the way to his hotel the night before. He was not sure what exactly went on in there but it seemed to him that the business involved naked women and sex. It was a windowless place with bright blue neon lights outside and a blinking lime green neon silhouette of a naked woman sitting inside a martini glass. There were cars parked outside and a rather unhappy looking woman and a bored yet tough bouncer kept the door tidy and organized.
As he came upon the club, on a whim, Bullet decided to go in. It was four in the afternoon and it lacked the intimidating external ambience of the night before. Inside, it was quite dark and creepy with the hall curving and hiding spaces. The wall was either or black or very dark red but without enough lighting in the room he could tell. In the middle of the room, there was an elliptical stage with pole in the front and chairs were arranged around the stage. There were a couple of bored customers sitting quietly on the chairs and the club staff paid very little attention to them.
He had been told plenty of times by those experienced in these matters that sitting near the stage involved loss of single dollar bills at an alarmingly rapid rate. Being a prudent Indian that he was, he picked himself an unobtrusive corner chair with an unobstructed view and sat down with his conference bag on his lap. Bullet ordered a coke and made himself comfortable as much as anyone could be in those circumstances.
Then he looked at the girl who was dancing naked on the stage and fell in love.
Coco!
Coco was quite a striking looking woman. She had the chocolate skin of a Jamaican and features of a Moroccan Goddess. She was tall and slender with appreciable breasts and thick kissable lips. Her shoulder length blackish brown hair fell about her lazily as she danced. She laughed easily when she was not working. When she was not working, she was Bettina, a quite comely young woman in a confident understated way; quite a determined young woman who was shouldering the responsibility of a large family back home in the islands and a low appetite for game-playing.
But work was entirely a different matter. At work at the Frog Pond, all the understatement disappeared into Coco the African goddess. She strutted her stuff vivaciously in larger-than-life movements. Her well-timed gyrations and artificially throaty laugh were designed for effect. She knew that the slow ripples of her breasts and the flash of her clean-shaven public area as she bent over them were irresistible to her customers. Frog Pond was right next to the UN agency offices in Washington DC. Most of her customers were middle-aged contractors and young interns circling the beltway in search of some diversion from the boredom of their lives. It was her job to make them feel better about their lives and do it better than the other girls at club. She took this very seriously and was rewarded handsomely for it.
In one phrase, pure sex!
But that is so far from love. And Bullet was no fool, especially to fall in love in a strip club. He didn’t ever remember falling in love. Ever! He barely tolerated his wife and sex mostly was a matter of routine business that was transacted without urgency or ceremony in the darkness of the bedroom. That did not mean there was no fondness in him for his wife; there was certain warmth with which he considered her jasmine-scented hair oil and the way she trembled when touched in unfamiliar parts.
Butterflies in his stomach!
He was not accustomed to feeling this way.
He must have blushed. He moved forward and pulled a chair closer to the stage to look at the dancer. It didn’t register to him that she was naked and her body was there on display for anyone with a buck to spare. He stared at her eyes and melted.
Coco saw another opportunity for tips as she saw Bullet pulling the chair closer to the stage. She has seen this a million times before, men moving closer to get a closer look of her body in semi-arousal and open lust. She has seen their letchy smiles and the self-important offerings of money. But he was different. He looked at her eyes and there was a naive freshness of a schoolboy in his battle-hardened face.
Coco liked the Indian man almost instantly then against all rules and practice. She was in this business to make money and not to care for the men who came day in aroused by the attraction to naked flesh. None of it, even the theatrics of performance, mattered to her much anymore; it was like driving or brushing teeth. On autopilot, she let her body do those things without feeling. But for reasons unknown to her conscious self, he aroused a primordial sympathy in her. She glanced at him and saw that he still wore a nametag of some conference over his ill-fitting polyester jacket. He was dark and short and had the demeanor of someone very uncomfortable with sex and all matters pertaining to sex.
She went through the gyrating motions for her other customers until her song was over and when done, parted company with them gracefully gathering up the loose dollar bills from the stage. Next dancer came on stage and the emcee tried to rev up interest by shouting out all the great things she was capable of.
Coco descended the stage and went straight to Bullet.
-- Want a dance, honey? She asked smiling sweetly. Almost condescendingly.
There was no other way she could approach him. In this world of transactions and trade-offs, every shy approach was an offering for touch, a promise of more touch, selling dreams packaged as desire.
He nodded like a child and followed her to a corner. She started with all the normal moves of writhing and moaning and then inexplicably something happened inside her. She felt a mother-like sympathy for this diminutive man much older than her. Her touch became tender and her sounds more muted, genuine and sincere. Her nipples became harder and her thighs moist.
There in the fake-coital position, an unlikely pair, an Indian administrative officer and an uneducated stripper fell in love while sharing an intimacy that was predestined and commercial.
These have been lean months for Bullet with him falling out of favor with the Minister and getting moved to a backwater function as the Undersecretary of Population Management. Most of the day, he sat in his backroom office playing with paperweights of various shapes and colors until the idea to set up a foreign junket popped into his head. There was no stopping him from accomplishing his true mission, population problems of India be damned.
After much maneuverings around the red-ribbon weighted halls of officialdom and one or two close calls that almost smelled like responsible governance, Bullet finally made it to the plane bound for London and then on to Washington DC. He barely paid any attention to the topic of the conference, spending much more of his time making lists of things he wanted to see. Is it possible to visit New York City from Washington DC over the weekend, he asked his fellow travelers? Is the white house open to visitors? Can I get away with wearing a safari suit at this time of the year? He kept the last question however to himself. Bullet was going to see America the way she deserved to be seen.
The meeting was typical of such pointless conferences he had seen organized in Vigyan Bhavan before. Self-important suits with dark glasses sat behind massive nameplates announcing their eminence and mouthed unintelligible nothings that went on for hours without accomplishing much. There was a dinner, where old cliques renewed their circular closeness while new members circles the periphery looking for an opening to get in. Bullet was neither in nor out. He walked from on circle to another spotting an occasional Stephenite who weaseled a plum posting outside and thus managed to get his hand shaken by a few. He felt hot under his new synthetic suit and the tightly knotted tie. He was already bored.
He regretted his decision to come to America. This was not what he had signed up for when he ran from pillar to post trying to get his trip approved. There was nothing there for an inquisitive creature like him. Nothing at all.
So, on the second day of the meeting when he decided to skip the afternoon session and walk around town, he did so without guilt. He had seen an establishment curiously titled “The Frog pond” on the way to his hotel the night before. He was not sure what exactly went on in there but it seemed to him that the business involved naked women and sex. It was a windowless place with bright blue neon lights outside and a blinking lime green neon silhouette of a naked woman sitting inside a martini glass. There were cars parked outside and a rather unhappy looking woman and a bored yet tough bouncer kept the door tidy and organized.
As he came upon the club, on a whim, Bullet decided to go in. It was four in the afternoon and it lacked the intimidating external ambience of the night before. Inside, it was quite dark and creepy with the hall curving and hiding spaces. The wall was either or black or very dark red but without enough lighting in the room he could tell. In the middle of the room, there was an elliptical stage with pole in the front and chairs were arranged around the stage. There were a couple of bored customers sitting quietly on the chairs and the club staff paid very little attention to them.
He had been told plenty of times by those experienced in these matters that sitting near the stage involved loss of single dollar bills at an alarmingly rapid rate. Being a prudent Indian that he was, he picked himself an unobtrusive corner chair with an unobstructed view and sat down with his conference bag on his lap. Bullet ordered a coke and made himself comfortable as much as anyone could be in those circumstances.
Then he looked at the girl who was dancing naked on the stage and fell in love.
Coco!
Coco was quite a striking looking woman. She had the chocolate skin of a Jamaican and features of a Moroccan Goddess. She was tall and slender with appreciable breasts and thick kissable lips. Her shoulder length blackish brown hair fell about her lazily as she danced. She laughed easily when she was not working. When she was not working, she was Bettina, a quite comely young woman in a confident understated way; quite a determined young woman who was shouldering the responsibility of a large family back home in the islands and a low appetite for game-playing.
But work was entirely a different matter. At work at the Frog Pond, all the understatement disappeared into Coco the African goddess. She strutted her stuff vivaciously in larger-than-life movements. Her well-timed gyrations and artificially throaty laugh were designed for effect. She knew that the slow ripples of her breasts and the flash of her clean-shaven public area as she bent over them were irresistible to her customers. Frog Pond was right next to the UN agency offices in Washington DC. Most of her customers were middle-aged contractors and young interns circling the beltway in search of some diversion from the boredom of their lives. It was her job to make them feel better about their lives and do it better than the other girls at club. She took this very seriously and was rewarded handsomely for it.
In one phrase, pure sex!
But that is so far from love. And Bullet was no fool, especially to fall in love in a strip club. He didn’t ever remember falling in love. Ever! He barely tolerated his wife and sex mostly was a matter of routine business that was transacted without urgency or ceremony in the darkness of the bedroom. That did not mean there was no fondness in him for his wife; there was certain warmth with which he considered her jasmine-scented hair oil and the way she trembled when touched in unfamiliar parts.
Butterflies in his stomach!
He was not accustomed to feeling this way.
He must have blushed. He moved forward and pulled a chair closer to the stage to look at the dancer. It didn’t register to him that she was naked and her body was there on display for anyone with a buck to spare. He stared at her eyes and melted.
Coco saw another opportunity for tips as she saw Bullet pulling the chair closer to the stage. She has seen this a million times before, men moving closer to get a closer look of her body in semi-arousal and open lust. She has seen their letchy smiles and the self-important offerings of money. But he was different. He looked at her eyes and there was a naive freshness of a schoolboy in his battle-hardened face.
Coco liked the Indian man almost instantly then against all rules and practice. She was in this business to make money and not to care for the men who came day in aroused by the attraction to naked flesh. None of it, even the theatrics of performance, mattered to her much anymore; it was like driving or brushing teeth. On autopilot, she let her body do those things without feeling. But for reasons unknown to her conscious self, he aroused a primordial sympathy in her. She glanced at him and saw that he still wore a nametag of some conference over his ill-fitting polyester jacket. He was dark and short and had the demeanor of someone very uncomfortable with sex and all matters pertaining to sex.
She went through the gyrating motions for her other customers until her song was over and when done, parted company with them gracefully gathering up the loose dollar bills from the stage. Next dancer came on stage and the emcee tried to rev up interest by shouting out all the great things she was capable of.
Coco descended the stage and went straight to Bullet.
-- Want a dance, honey? She asked smiling sweetly. Almost condescendingly.
There was no other way she could approach him. In this world of transactions and trade-offs, every shy approach was an offering for touch, a promise of more touch, selling dreams packaged as desire.
He nodded like a child and followed her to a corner. She started with all the normal moves of writhing and moaning and then inexplicably something happened inside her. She felt a mother-like sympathy for this diminutive man much older than her. Her touch became tender and her sounds more muted, genuine and sincere. Her nipples became harder and her thighs moist.
There in the fake-coital position, an unlikely pair, an Indian administrative officer and an uneducated stripper fell in love while sharing an intimacy that was predestined and commercial.
Letters
I haven’t written you in a long while
What is new with me but a thousand trips to hell
Pregnant with expectations
On abandoned ships with broken sails
A young son is lying dead; the mother is frantically
Searching. There are customary negotiations and
Percentage commissions, a deal is made and lost
The bus departs on a long evening trip
The woman is waiting for you with mustard
Collected from a house that has not known death
Truth has become dreams and dreams, journeys
Yet the dead still sleep the endless sleep
All this needs retelling, in an endless letter
That I try writing since I have known you
I sit with the pen you gave me and the paper
I stole from the mortician’s journal
Are the words still here? Or unseen by me,
Do they wait across the abyss of time?
This dark moonless night
You have come looking for me
Now I repent, I haven’t written to you
About my dreams and endless stories
The symphony of motion is slowing to an end,
And I am longing to see my friends
Even if I don’t post them, to whom else am I
Going to address these letters of life?
What is new with me but a thousand trips to hell
Pregnant with expectations
On abandoned ships with broken sails
A young son is lying dead; the mother is frantically
Searching. There are customary negotiations and
Percentage commissions, a deal is made and lost
The bus departs on a long evening trip
The woman is waiting for you with mustard
Collected from a house that has not known death
Truth has become dreams and dreams, journeys
Yet the dead still sleep the endless sleep
All this needs retelling, in an endless letter
That I try writing since I have known you
I sit with the pen you gave me and the paper
I stole from the mortician’s journal
Are the words still here? Or unseen by me,
Do they wait across the abyss of time?
This dark moonless night
You have come looking for me
Now I repent, I haven’t written to you
About my dreams and endless stories
The symphony of motion is slowing to an end,
And I am longing to see my friends
Even if I don’t post them, to whom else am I
Going to address these letters of life?
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Leaving Argentina : Lessons Learned
Do you remember those old days when getting outof India (or getting in, for that matter) involved a series of choreographed steps that looked like complete cacaphony and chaos from outside but had a sort of rhythm once you knew the game?
Things have become a lot simpler that you can hope to accomplish this without aquiring a new vocabulary and a new set of best friends and losing all the pocket change. Thank the universal one-eyes lightness for that.
Getting out of Buenos Aires last week reminded me of that as I left last week.
First of all, plan on getting to the airport at least a year before the departure time to leave ample time to complete the "formalities."
First of all, the damn short ride from the center of the city to the International airport (Ministro Pistarini International Airport) in Ezeiza ought to take twenty minutes but it takes one hour. But I am not worried, because I have two and half hours to catch the flight, so why should I be worried?
I should be worried. I should be very worried.
I reach the airport and as I enter the departure hall, it resembles a cross between the emergency waiting room of a large hospital (without any chairs and bleeding people) and a Sunday market. people are running helter-skelter and everyone is looking worried. I am quite unfazed at this as I walk to the counter because I see that my counter is free. I have a "been there, done that" look on my face.
Not so fast, punk.
There is a woman stationed between me and the counter and she stands behind a lecturn and has stamps and papers with her. This is never good news, especially in the developing world. So I smile and try to be VERY VERY polite. Meanwhile, I glance and see that the line for economy is snaking its way to Colombia.
She begins with innocent questions like, "who packed your luggage?"
I answer very politely. Then the questions get harder and harder. I am kicking myself for not paying attention in my general knowledge questions in high school. Later she wants to know the birth dates of my great grand parents and a brief history of the manufacturer of my suit case.
Finally, she smiles, flips through my passport and hands me a piece of paper duly stamped and notorized for what purpose I do not know. I am relieved.
I get to the counter. Nobody pays any attention to the notorized piece of the paper as the counter-lady processes my ticket and gives me my boarding card. Then she says, "hurry, you don't have much time."
This is truly prophetic and ominous. I look at my watch and think, hmm, I have plenty of time so why would she say this?
Then I realize I have another line to stand on. This is an egalitarian line with everyone heading everywhere has to stand on regardless of destination or class of service. This is to pay $18 exit tax. This line also snakes its way to Columbia. So I get to the back of the line and wait my turn. Another eternity passes by until i get to the end of the line and I pay. She gives me another receipt. Nobody checks the first notorized paper. Now with all these papers, I head to the cambio to get some dollars back for the pesos. There are two counters and two people. But one of them has decided to just stand around and not necessarily help people for some reason. So there goes another 30 minutes.
Then the first line of emmigration. The counter number comes on except at a place where the person in the front of the line cannot quite see. So everyone behind them have to shout, look look, you go to counter number 14 and so on. As soon as they reach the front of the line however, they forget this whole thing and begin to assume the clueless look.
I get though that hurdle OK. Except noone checks for any of my growing lit of official papers. They just want to see the passport, not even the boarding card.
Then there is a customs line and a security line, which seems more for comical reasons than for any real purposes. Shoes and lapt-tops stay on and in... and every one gets a once-over pat-down. From the look of it, Osama could walk that line with a ton of explosives and will pass the line.
Oh, yeah, the path from this point to the gate passes through what looks like the ladies section of Robinsons May or some other mid-style department store. Store-ladies wait for attract the attention of wouldbe customers and you are running through isles of merchantise towards your flight.
At this point I have consumed all my buffer and I am worried. I need to go to the bathroom but I realize I have no time.
There is another security inspection within five feet of the plane. This is a tougher one, I assume specifically designed for US bound passengers.
I get patted down, my dirty clothes get one too.. I am happy to be finally on the OTHER side.
No more queues.
I walk into the plane and I have one minute to spare.
As I sit down and sip some champagne 9which I hate, but I secide I deserve to celebrate the triuph of persistence over beaurocracy) I realize that people are still walking in.
So the departure time is a mere suggestion.
At some point in the night, we must have departed because when I woke up I was no longer in Argentina.
And here I thought Indian procedures were the worst!
Things have become a lot simpler that you can hope to accomplish this without aquiring a new vocabulary and a new set of best friends and losing all the pocket change. Thank the universal one-eyes lightness for that.
Getting out of Buenos Aires last week reminded me of that as I left last week.
First of all, plan on getting to the airport at least a year before the departure time to leave ample time to complete the "formalities."
First of all, the damn short ride from the center of the city to the International airport (Ministro Pistarini International Airport) in Ezeiza ought to take twenty minutes but it takes one hour. But I am not worried, because I have two and half hours to catch the flight, so why should I be worried?
I should be worried. I should be very worried.
I reach the airport and as I enter the departure hall, it resembles a cross between the emergency waiting room of a large hospital (without any chairs and bleeding people) and a Sunday market. people are running helter-skelter and everyone is looking worried. I am quite unfazed at this as I walk to the counter because I see that my counter is free. I have a "been there, done that" look on my face.
Not so fast, punk.
There is a woman stationed between me and the counter and she stands behind a lecturn and has stamps and papers with her. This is never good news, especially in the developing world. So I smile and try to be VERY VERY polite. Meanwhile, I glance and see that the line for economy is snaking its way to Colombia.
She begins with innocent questions like, "who packed your luggage?"
I answer very politely. Then the questions get harder and harder. I am kicking myself for not paying attention in my general knowledge questions in high school. Later she wants to know the birth dates of my great grand parents and a brief history of the manufacturer of my suit case.
Finally, she smiles, flips through my passport and hands me a piece of paper duly stamped and notorized for what purpose I do not know. I am relieved.
I get to the counter. Nobody pays any attention to the notorized piece of the paper as the counter-lady processes my ticket and gives me my boarding card. Then she says, "hurry, you don't have much time."
This is truly prophetic and ominous. I look at my watch and think, hmm, I have plenty of time so why would she say this?
Then I realize I have another line to stand on. This is an egalitarian line with everyone heading everywhere has to stand on regardless of destination or class of service. This is to pay $18 exit tax. This line also snakes its way to Columbia. So I get to the back of the line and wait my turn. Another eternity passes by until i get to the end of the line and I pay. She gives me another receipt. Nobody checks the first notorized paper. Now with all these papers, I head to the cambio to get some dollars back for the pesos. There are two counters and two people. But one of them has decided to just stand around and not necessarily help people for some reason. So there goes another 30 minutes.
Then the first line of emmigration. The counter number comes on except at a place where the person in the front of the line cannot quite see. So everyone behind them have to shout, look look, you go to counter number 14 and so on. As soon as they reach the front of the line however, they forget this whole thing and begin to assume the clueless look.
I get though that hurdle OK. Except noone checks for any of my growing lit of official papers. They just want to see the passport, not even the boarding card.
Then there is a customs line and a security line, which seems more for comical reasons than for any real purposes. Shoes and lapt-tops stay on and in... and every one gets a once-over pat-down. From the look of it, Osama could walk that line with a ton of explosives and will pass the line.
Oh, yeah, the path from this point to the gate passes through what looks like the ladies section of Robinsons May or some other mid-style department store. Store-ladies wait for attract the attention of wouldbe customers and you are running through isles of merchantise towards your flight.
At this point I have consumed all my buffer and I am worried. I need to go to the bathroom but I realize I have no time.
There is another security inspection within five feet of the plane. This is a tougher one, I assume specifically designed for US bound passengers.
I get patted down, my dirty clothes get one too.. I am happy to be finally on the OTHER side.
No more queues.
I walk into the plane and I have one minute to spare.
As I sit down and sip some champagne 9which I hate, but I secide I deserve to celebrate the triuph of persistence over beaurocracy) I realize that people are still walking in.
So the departure time is a mere suggestion.
At some point in the night, we must have departed because when I woke up I was no longer in Argentina.
And here I thought Indian procedures were the worst!
Electric Embrace : A dream
Give me an electric embrace and energize me or kill me
All I feel is the static electricity from memories of the past weeks
I am flying with a single wing over an ashen sky
Evicted from my domicile, my letters float in the ether
Without feathers, my wings don’t touch the air as I glide
And when I touch down, I hit the sand and meet a frog
The frog sits in the boiling water and laughs at me
As the temperature rises and his feet turn to meat
I laugh back for I know he will die before I do
Then I look down and see the quick sand beneath my feet
The guests of this summer city do not leave
I try planting signs at the seething lake and under the sky
They laugh back at me, pointing at the rose buds
Inviting them to stay back and relax by the shore
Am I the only one with the vision to see that the lake water
Has turned toxic from all the blood of innocents?
Why can’t you hear the muffled screams of their helplessness
Rising in bubbles from the bottom of the lake bed?
The frog closes his eyes and goes back to meditating
From under his webbed feet a banyan tree rises
I tie a noose on the tree and my neck to escape the quicksand
Now the frog, the tree and I are dissolving in your electric embrace
All I feel is the static electricity from memories of the past weeks
I am flying with a single wing over an ashen sky
Evicted from my domicile, my letters float in the ether
Without feathers, my wings don’t touch the air as I glide
And when I touch down, I hit the sand and meet a frog
The frog sits in the boiling water and laughs at me
As the temperature rises and his feet turn to meat
I laugh back for I know he will die before I do
Then I look down and see the quick sand beneath my feet
The guests of this summer city do not leave
I try planting signs at the seething lake and under the sky
They laugh back at me, pointing at the rose buds
Inviting them to stay back and relax by the shore
Am I the only one with the vision to see that the lake water
Has turned toxic from all the blood of innocents?
Why can’t you hear the muffled screams of their helplessness
Rising in bubbles from the bottom of the lake bed?
The frog closes his eyes and goes back to meditating
From under his webbed feet a banyan tree rises
I tie a noose on the tree and my neck to escape the quicksand
Now the frog, the tree and I are dissolving in your electric embrace
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Globbish Poem
A new form of stripped-down English is emerging around the world that is suppossed to be effective but not rich. This is the global English that is used by five hundred million speakers around the world who use it as a medium of communication around the world only in the context of business and rudimentary social communication.
Herald Tribune postulates that this will get even simpler and evolve into a different language from the preent-day English. English that is used in the US and the UK will become mere dialects of this global form of English. So, here is an attempt to write a poem in Globbish as I would write it in 2040. The poem is real, the sentiments are real and apparently the language is also real.
left faint smell perfume
unwashed shirt
Left bottom
old suitcase
nipple attached bottle vodka
Feeds child life blood
I kiss what left river
After sold soft drink bottlers?
old memory ranting unconsciously
emergency ward hospital
Lets bury dreams hope
They die asphyxiation
Collapse heap
Rise hope
Wait opening
Expect heartbreak
Shadow boxing
this dark alley
All myslf
Against world
Now let me be.
Don’t
--Obey me, listen to me
--Imitate me, pity me
--Shadow-box me
Herald Tribune postulates that this will get even simpler and evolve into a different language from the preent-day English. English that is used in the US and the UK will become mere dialects of this global form of English. So, here is an attempt to write a poem in Globbish as I would write it in 2040. The poem is real, the sentiments are real and apparently the language is also real.
left faint smell perfume
unwashed shirt
Left bottom
old suitcase
nipple attached bottle vodka
Feeds child life blood
I kiss what left river
After sold soft drink bottlers?
old memory ranting unconsciously
emergency ward hospital
Lets bury dreams hope
They die asphyxiation
Collapse heap
Rise hope
Wait opening
Expect heartbreak
Shadow boxing
this dark alley
All myslf
Against world
Now let me be.
Don’t
--Obey me, listen to me
--Imitate me, pity me
--Shadow-box me
Friday, April 13, 2007
Self Pity Is A Bitch
I was so lost last night. So lost that I wanted to escape my life and run far away and be someone else. I was tired and hungry but I wanted no food or rest. I took a tram to some part of town i didn't know. I got off the tram and started walking. It was night and my heart was heavy with thought. The river was ahead of me and I walked away from the tram lines and found a place on the sidewalk by the river. There was a bench. I sat down and stared at the city lights and the stars over them. There was nothing to do, nowhere I wanted to be.
The phone barely had any signal. I was distraught. I wanted to talk to no one. I didn't want to be polite or happy. I didn't care how any one else felt. There is some pleasure in guiltless wallowing in pain.
I walked many miles, until my feet hurt and my legs were numb. I didn't sleep all night, staying up and staring blankly at the computer. Don't you love days like that?
The phone barely had any signal. I was distraught. I wanted to talk to no one. I didn't want to be polite or happy. I didn't care how any one else felt. There is some pleasure in guiltless wallowing in pain.
I walked many miles, until my feet hurt and my legs were numb. I didn't sleep all night, staying up and staring blankly at the computer. Don't you love days like that?
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Kitsch-Americana
Sanjaya Malakar
I am not a fan of American Idol and I have never watched the show. yet this has reached me tells you how far-reaching this thing is. I am sure you have heard of this as well.
Synopsis: He is a singer on American Idol. He is a young man/teenager who is half-Indian-American half-Italian-American from Hawaii. He is by all accounts a very weak singer with funny hair-dos. He has outlasted other more talented contests with support from Howard Stern and a website called votefortheworst.com.
Comment: Nobody ever mentions he is half Italian-American. His half Indian status is big in India as they foolishly try to prop up the guy. And it is a big deal in the US where they attribute his "success" to call-center stealth to all sorts of other things.
White Guy Sings Bollywood
Synopsis: He lip-syncs, he dances, he makes Shammi Kapoor-esque expressions and his heroine is a finger puppet. This is hilarious.
Comment: If parody is the best form of recognition, then Hindi cinema has come a long way. It has become a genre in itself, much like opera or ballet is. You judge it within its constraints and standards and not by the general standards with which you judge "cinema" or Hollywood. The singing-dancing-weeping-crying-fighting-loving all-purpose hero swooning over the appropriately affected heroine is something Indian movie watchers have long loved. I don't think it is because they are stupid or unsophisticated that they like the predictability of these overly-affected executions of oversimplified story lines. They like it because it is a genre they are familiar with much like every third Italian sweeper in Rome humming Verdi while going about his job. Take it for what it is and don't get too touchy. It is OK to laugh at ourselves and our quirky nostalgia once in a while.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Byculla to Breach Candy
There are many places to walk in Bombay, but a walk from Byculla Train Station to Breach Candy Hospital is perhaps one with the most contrasts.
It is not an easy of a pleasant walk but if you could suspend judgement and seek what you seek behind the facades and the obvious, you will be surprised by what you will find. Byculla used to be one of the most fashionable suburbs of Bombay. Bombay is really a European city if you look past its modern squalor. When you cross over from the station on the fly-over (walk slowly and avoid the deadly traffic), you will see old buildings that still retain the charm of the old grandeur. After Hornby Vellard was completed in the late 1700s, creating what is known as Breach Candy today (or Bulabhai Desai Road if you prefer), Byculla came to be a fashionable suburb. Mazgaon already had faded as the central point for the ultra-rich and malabar Hill was not yet the in-thing. Later, after a great epidemic, the rich fled further west and built the mansions in Malabar Hill leaving Byculla in its current state.
David Sassoon used to live here. You may not know this, but Vidal Sassoon is a descendant of this David. A great Iraqi Jew, David came to Bombay when he was young and made a fortune and he remained a great benefactor to his adopted city to the end.
Under the flyover there is the small but important Christ Church Lane with its distinct buildings. Most of the residents still know each other and there is a sense of small town camaraderie here. If you walk down the lane, watch out for the most recognized funeral directors across the street - Pinto. I think they might still be the only body embalmers in all of Bombay. This is a long and rambling walk, past much ugly scenery. So you have to look carefully to find architectural gems hidden behind make-shift structures, tin hutments and sidewalk encroachments. The church and the hospital buildings both date back to the heyday of the British empire right before the causeway was constructed. This road, as you walk past much muck with go through the brothels of Madanpura. In Madanpura you will see a lot of interesting buildings way past their prime constructed to house laborers and most of them lived in the rental houses. These houses are still landlord-owned even though only nominally. Aside from prostitution, under the think facade of normalcy, Madanpura also hosts drug sellers and addicts as well as Muslim gangsters. Kamathipura is not that far from here. Be sure not to step on the people sleeping on the streets if it is night. This place comes alive during Ramzan nights with all sorts of exotic food stalls. It is second only to Muhammed Ali Road in its Ramzan night stalls.
Continue past the rotary, you go past Bombay Central station and on to Tardeo. Bombay Central station is a great handsome building built to host the Bombay Baroda and Central India (BB&CI) Railway when it was opened in the 1860s. I don't know when the building was constructed, but from its look I would like to postulate a much later date, perhaps early 1900s. The bridge over the railway tracks is also an interesting basalt and iron structure that will take you down to the middle of Tardeo. Tardeo I assume is named after a shiva temple even though I don't remember ever seeing the temple. There is the police station up ahead and Sardar's, the famous pav bhaji place is right after the bus stop. Across the road is a BEST bus depot that has been there 1950s. A small lane of buildings with great wood construction lies behind the BEST depot called Wadia street. At this point all the interesting buildings begin to taper off. There are two more I think, the rest are concrete monstrosities until you reach Heera Panna and the giant bill boards.
Mahalaxmi temple is barely visible from the road anymore, as you walk to Pedder road. Now you are walking on the first stretch of the famous Horny Vellard. mahalaxmi temple was constructed after a statue was recovered during the construction of the vellard. Most of the interesting mansions on this road were demolished in the 50s and 60s and ugly apartment buildings were constructed in their place. As you go up Warden road, the only old building that still stands is the palace of Gaikwads of Baroda which is now the officers' residence for BARC. Breach candy hospital is right after. Breach Candy is named after the great "breach" which was the gap that let water into the inner central Bombay during high tide. The water reached till Pydhonie (Pydhonie is a corruption of the term Pav-donie.. feet wash). If you have the right connections, you may be able to still enjoy the hospitality of the old Parsi mansions that lie hidden from the road by the ocean. But their days are sadly numbered. Unfortunately, there are no mansions open to the general public.
Our journey ends here. Remember to take a cab back.
A Scene
Between two halves of sleeping comes a thought... Looking down from the airplane, I saw two ramose trees perfectly placed in the middle of a cropped square field. The wind must have been gentle if ineed there was wind, touching the spindley edges of the branches. The trunks were grey. There was a wintery solitude about them as they stood flickering between existence and non-existence as clouds danced between us. The green grass was ploughed around them creating a small oval of roughness. A small road went around the field and entered into a brick-making factory. Then the whole scene disappeared.
These are the moments when I remember Richard Bach and Illusions.
Sleep, perchance to dream.
These are the moments when I remember Richard Bach and Illusions.
Sleep, perchance to dream.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
What if?
Contrary to the normal custom, he did not wait for permission before walking in. He walked in after gently parting the curtains and without much ceremony, sat down across from my father. He was dark and short with his unparted curly hair shining with a generous application of oil. The wetness of his forehead was either excess oil rolling down or perspiration. Either way, it was shining in the government-regulation light in the room. it would indeed be so, to begin a story like this rather affectionately since I was not there. I don't even know if this is how it all happened, but sitting here thirty years later, I might as well imagine it so because it gives comfort to my memory and makes it come alive a little better. He began, then clearing his throat, staring at my father's bewildered face - not in the sort of way a rude man stares - but in a gentler way of the sages, sir, you are perhaps wondering who I am. I am not here for alms or with some scam to separate you from your money, and above all, I seek no favors from your office. I am just a passing astrologer with some predictions for your family that I thought I will pass on to you. I am not looking for any money, not in the least bit, but perhaps a cup of tea would be nice. As he spoke, his eyebrows moved up and down, the way two fish meeting each other accidentally in a fish tank. Two cups of tea were promptly ordered, just as they always are in government offices. A bell was perhaps rung, a man in khaki pants perhaps peered in, my father raised two fingers to make a sign of V and the khaki-pants then departed most obsequiously behind the curtain. Perhaps a cigarette was lit and my father, as he always did in his office, stared unsmilingly at thick files tied together with red ribbons while the visitor sat silently under the whirring fan waiting for his turn to begin. Such visitors were rare to his office to be sure, and when they did arrive, it was often with more notice and ceremony appropriate for favor-seeking. As soon as the tea appeared and the curtains closed behind them, the visitor cleared his throat to continue his conversation. You have a son and daughter, he said, without waiting for confirmation and the son is the oldest. My father agreed while thinking who in the world has told him this. Then the visitor dropped a ton of past-hints that no one else could have known to achieve some hard-earned credibility. Thus having captured his attention, he said abruptly quite like the way things happen in the horror movies when you least expect it, you know something, I want you to be warned of something. Your son and daughter will both die together when he is forty-two in a plane crash. That night, my father came home, and told his son, that is me of course - who was a rather bookish eight then - you see son, there was a man in my office and he claimed to be an astrologer. Then foolishly - because you ought not say such things to eight year-olds - but he did anyway; he was that sort of a fellow, he said that you will die in a plane crash at forty-two. Not a problem, I agreed vigorously, I just don't have to fly that year. This posed no problems to either of us at that moment, because in my household, flying was a very rare occasion, and those days in India, you flew only when you absolutely had to and it was a rare event. So keeping his son from flying for a year was not a problematic solution to the tricky problem for my father.
So here I sit in the lounge again - and I have taken a flight pretty much every other day this week or every day of the week - often more than one each day, and I think this is what I have to look forward to. A fiery death at the age of forty-two. I am not a believer of fate, astrology or God. So it is quite evident to me that the prediction from this random astrologer to father's office, the memory of which has stayed with me forever since, is nothing but pure rubbish and that I am going to live past forty-two and see my fifties with its accompanying midlife crisis and baldness. But then again, one in a while, the thought occasionally props up in my head:
What if he was right?
So here I sit in the lounge again - and I have taken a flight pretty much every other day this week or every day of the week - often more than one each day, and I think this is what I have to look forward to. A fiery death at the age of forty-two. I am not a believer of fate, astrology or God. So it is quite evident to me that the prediction from this random astrologer to father's office, the memory of which has stayed with me forever since, is nothing but pure rubbish and that I am going to live past forty-two and see my fifties with its accompanying midlife crisis and baldness. But then again, one in a while, the thought occasionally props up in my head:
What if he was right?
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Silly Poem
a dream of Summer madness dies
under the weight of an untimely spring,
last of this impertinent winter,
a snowflake has gone meditating
Under the clouds stands a crane
waiting for rain drops
the wanton greens of spring
masturbate at the sight of sun
In this fine divide between seasons
I wait with my watch set to autumn
Cliff Notes on Travel
After logging more than twelve thousand miles of flying this week, I am exhausted. I lie awake in bed, but I cannot sleep. Too much to process and too much to digest.
Canada was cold, Argentina was warm, and it is snowing in the US. In Ricoleta, I had walked through the lanes of the national cemetery speaking on hushed tones into the phone. Each mausoleum was built like a house right next to another and everyoneone was interned overground and there they rest under the giant shadows of the city. City of the dead. There, without rents and changes of address they rest, generals, musicians, scientists, dictators and Eva Peron. I didn't feel the need for the sort of sad introspection one feels when one is normally walking through such places. I felt vacant.
Outside, I sat alone under a giant banyan tree. Its branches covered the whole park. There was an orthodox Jewish couple sharing a park bench. Next to me sat an old woman who had the looks of a retired lounge singer. It was hot and sunny. Even though summer was technically coming to an end, it felt like the middle of summer.
Later I walked on Avenia El Salvador looking for paintings. There was a jeans store that looked like a church and a shirt design shop which only has clothes in "Small" size. The waitress in the Asian fusion restaurant was pretty and could have passed off as a Bengali. Her ear was pierced at a wrong spot, almost too close the face. The soup was so hot it made me finish two bottles of water.
Later in another country, the emmigration officer questioned me about why I was hopping around so much. There was snow in the ground and I was cold. Airport was full of bearded Pakistani types in Southwest Frontier costume.
Altogether it is a happy week.
Canada was cold, Argentina was warm, and it is snowing in the US. In Ricoleta, I had walked through the lanes of the national cemetery speaking on hushed tones into the phone. Each mausoleum was built like a house right next to another and everyoneone was interned overground and there they rest under the giant shadows of the city. City of the dead. There, without rents and changes of address they rest, generals, musicians, scientists, dictators and Eva Peron. I didn't feel the need for the sort of sad introspection one feels when one is normally walking through such places. I felt vacant.
Outside, I sat alone under a giant banyan tree. Its branches covered the whole park. There was an orthodox Jewish couple sharing a park bench. Next to me sat an old woman who had the looks of a retired lounge singer. It was hot and sunny. Even though summer was technically coming to an end, it felt like the middle of summer.
Later I walked on Avenia El Salvador looking for paintings. There was a jeans store that looked like a church and a shirt design shop which only has clothes in "Small" size. The waitress in the Asian fusion restaurant was pretty and could have passed off as a Bengali. Her ear was pierced at a wrong spot, almost too close the face. The soup was so hot it made me finish two bottles of water.
Later in another country, the emmigration officer questioned me about why I was hopping around so much. There was snow in the ground and I was cold. Airport was full of bearded Pakistani types in Southwest Frontier costume.
Altogether it is a happy week.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Buddha At The Traffic Light
"There are only three sins - causing pain, causing fear, and causing anguish. The rest is window dressing." - Roger Caras
Crossing the streets in Ricoleta
I ran into Buddha this evening
As vehicles raced through the slit
Between the amber and waiting
I saw him wavering nervously between
Non-violence and indecision
I tried following him
But was cut off by a white limousine
You were driving it with cruel words
And I was falling under your tires
I was dream-walking
And you were dream-speaking
There were no trapdoors as I fell
Just open pits of the dream sequence
(Watching the acrobats perform
On the mean streets of Bario Norte
I wonder if they understand
The true meaning of life
I have given up the ghost
Of the search for true meaning
The meaning is forever lost on me
Even on simple quests
Otherwise I will know to step
Aside from open pits and racing cars)
That is what I think
As I fall through them in Palermo
On my way down I was gifted
A train of thought
Without an engine or a signalman
But with repeating memories of guilt
I boarded the train and waited
For a ride out of the pit of despair
The guard was wearing words in layers
Over the under-garments of meaning
This twilight is the beginning and end
At once of meaning and silence
In La Boca when I ran into Buddha again
He was smiling at my bandaged face
While stuffing his mouth with peanuts
This time I ignored him safely
And followed cruel words and tear ducts
To your painted bedroom window
I ran into Buddha this evening
As vehicles raced through the slit
Between the amber and waiting
I saw him wavering nervously between
Non-violence and indecision
I tried following him
But was cut off by a white limousine
You were driving it with cruel words
And I was falling under your tires
I was dream-walking
And you were dream-speaking
There were no trapdoors as I fell
Just open pits of the dream sequence
(Watching the acrobats perform
On the mean streets of Bario Norte
I wonder if they understand
The true meaning of life
I have given up the ghost
Of the search for true meaning
The meaning is forever lost on me
Even on simple quests
Otherwise I will know to step
Aside from open pits and racing cars)
That is what I think
As I fall through them in Palermo
On my way down I was gifted
A train of thought
Without an engine or a signalman
But with repeating memories of guilt
I boarded the train and waited
For a ride out of the pit of despair
The guard was wearing words in layers
Over the under-garments of meaning
This twilight is the beginning and end
At once of meaning and silence
In La Boca when I ran into Buddha again
He was smiling at my bandaged face
While stuffing his mouth with peanuts
This time I ignored him safely
And followed cruel words and tear ducts
To your painted bedroom window
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Buenos Aires, Argentina: First Impressions
I just got here from Washington DC this morning. It was rainy and muggy and I saw the city slowly waking up. Buenos Aires has a European feel. It almost felt like the child of a marriage between Madrid and Kualalampur. It is humid and tropical and summer is barely over.
I walked to Boca Bario which is the colorful quarter where the poor emigrants once lived. From the look of it, the poor continue to live here. The neighborhood is colorful and made of corrugated sheet metal. There were live tango performers on the street and Brazilian acrobats. The famous Boca Juniors football club (Maradona's home team) is named after them.
I was also driven around to the more posh neighborhoods as well. The usual museums and craft fares and antique dealerships followed. The city is clean and impressive. The old port district has been completely transformed into a great chic restaurant and shopping area.
The rain went away in the afternoon. Now I am exhausted. More on Argentina later.
I walked to Boca Bario which is the colorful quarter where the poor emigrants once lived. From the look of it, the poor continue to live here. The neighborhood is colorful and made of corrugated sheet metal. There were live tango performers on the street and Brazilian acrobats. The famous Boca Juniors football club (Maradona's home team) is named after them.
I was also driven around to the more posh neighborhoods as well. The usual museums and craft fares and antique dealerships followed. The city is clean and impressive. The old port district has been completely transformed into a great chic restaurant and shopping area.
The rain went away in the afternoon. Now I am exhausted. More on Argentina later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)