I am Indian.
I am a hyphenated American too.
I love the country of my birth deeply. But as one grows older and has closer association with more than one country, questions about love, acceptance and cultural affiliation become more complex. What is it to love one's own country? What does it mean to be Indian?
More specifically, what does it mean to be Indian for me? Does it mean that I can't be Indian and American, both at the same time? Is there a conflict of interest?
I was about to write how different authors have addressed this topic lately. Then I deleted it. This is about what it means to be Indian for me.
I love India and Indians. I love the fact that since independence, the country has remained a democracy. I love the fact that we debate incessantly all the issues and in spite of the clear Hindu majority, Hindu right wing nationalism is not a dominant force. I love the size and complexity and the racial diversity of its population. I admire its long history that goes back to such a long time. I am amazed by India's resilience to fight against interminable odds. For me Indianness is something deep and real, almost like a religion, but it is also personal. In as much as Vande Mataram moves me to tears, you will not find me waving the Indian flag in public.
I am an Indian.
Does it mean that I don't and cannot have issues with India? Hardly. I hate the fact that India has debilitating poverty and no sense of public cleanliness. As Indians, I hate that we are OK with that. Our solutions, political and economic, are designed rather to put paint over a structural problem.
Does that make me less Indian?
But there is something I do that irritate some people. I refuse to discuss India with non-Indians. I don't like to do this because I don't want to trivialize Indian issues to soundbites. I don't want to validate their general feelings towards the country, be is positive or otherwise. I am not a cultural ambassador to India.
And no, I don't know Dr. Murthy, your dentist. Or Ravi, the cab driver who took you to your hotel. And no, I am not going to tell you what I think of outsourcing. Or Bollywood movies. And yes, if I want to feel like I am "different" from "other Indians", then it is my right to do so. and for your information, we are a billion strong and regardless of what Mr. Patel told you, we are all unique and different.
And no, we don't all treat "low-caste Indians" badly.
Some of us care about Indian development seriously. Some of us feel terrible about the inequity of the situation in India, whether it is caste related or purely economical.
And, yes, it is dirty. So don't go there if you can't deal with it. Good you had a lot of fun with elephants in Jaipur. And we all agree, Aishwarya Rai is beautiful.
So leave me alone.
