For a fleeting moment I thought
I glimpsed a light in the eyes.
For just a second
I saw a cloud of disappointment.
Before the rain starts and the cold traps us,
Is there a moment of warmth?
Then the mind trapped shut just as it opened.
Feeling less and abandoned!
Abandoned.
The vision died a troubled death.
Outside where crickets go to
sing their dirge,
I am safe from illusions.
But was I wrong to interpret the light
as hopes for a rainbow?
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Sometimes you know disaster is going to strike and it does.
This blogger likes small gatherings and meaningful conversations.
You walk very gingerly into a gathering. Gingerly because you feel it is going to be bad. Often because you don't know anyone there and the only person you know, the host, doesn't give you the time of day. May be they are busy or may be because they know everyone at the party, don't realize you don't. And you are seated next to an Azerbaijani man who claims to be a diplomat. Given that President Ilham Aliyev is a strongman, it doesn't surprise you that the "diplomat" is not very diplomatic.
You are deeply tired. Your day was filled with inane activities all the time, you are balancing your tiredness with the need to be present.
Despair takes root. You spend 10 minutes in the restroom contemplating escape. You really don't feel like making new friends, much less making the rounds. The host as previously mentioned is the only person you know (and who warmly invited you) yet has plenty of time to chat with everyone else but YOU. You make sure that the host is on the other end of the room. You make your way to the door quietly, but the host happens to be right there at the exact moment you are at the door.
You make weak excuses. You walk out and take a deep breath.
As you walk home you realize you are still sad.
